Its hard when I feel it all coming back.... the feeling of hopelessness is parylizing. At least now I have the tools to deal with it...which, if im not using therapy talk, just ride the goddamn wave and hold on to daylight. I am encouraged that this time I was able to catch it before the self harm started again. Its always a red flag when i stop leaving my apartment, popping pills, and sleeping all day. I wasn't sleeping well at all. The night terrors were relentless for the past 3 weeks. I am blessed to have a wonderful doctor who called me right back during his off hours late in the night and called me in a new medication to try. I went to the 24 hour cvs and the past two nights have been much better.
Im trying really hard to start a good schedule. today I got up at 9 and ate...and took soph for a nice walk. being outside is important for my mood. as is eating. when i get low i loose my apatite quickly but not giving my body energy fuels my laying in bed all day. came back, showered, gave soph a shower lol, and cleaned the place really good...it had been neglected for a couple of weeks. I don't want to...not at all..but im making myself go to large group tonight. Ill feel better if I do something with the night instead of staying in and letting my mind wander. I also got some vitamins my doctor reccomended to naturally boost energy in the morning. seems to be working. Im giving myself some free time until my hair cut at 4 30. might go to the gym... actually yeah I think I will. but god i don't want to . ugh. its the fight. but I
ALWAYS
WIN
